Self management

I attended a three day training for women in business and I must confessed I learnt a few new things and also how to better manage my skills.
It is no news that am out spoken not forward or nosey but out spoken and have the ability to make people laugh or cry trust me I have the skills to break any ice . So in other words am a good communicator and also I like to manage people.
Yup learnt all at the training so after each lecture I asked the tutor where they see me and each highlighted my skills and ended up saying HR (human resources)
So I have decided to get into the field starting from tomorrow am going to start an online course on HR it won't be easy but am going to give it a short.
I need to put my scattered skills together and get me a paying proper paying job.
So my  plan for the week is register a HR course. Apply for more jobs,  start jogging again and volunteer.
I will leave men troubles and focus on making my self better. I know I say that a lot but by the hand of God am going to do it.
Am going to write a to do list and focus on achieving it.  Plus I don't like that I have acne scars on some part of my  face so am going to fight on getting a better skin. Meaning no more sugary stuff, milk, rice and bread.  And am gonna jog too.
I pray Jehovah gives me the strength to do all this. I must achieve my goals.

WORD OF THE DAY=Openminded.

Tonight went out for drinks with my friend and met his other friends it was quite enhanting.
We all have one thing in common, WE ALL WANT BETTER PAY.
One of the girl's Annabel gave me a tip and is been open minded. To want something from life one needs to be open minded. Because usually  what we want or think we need might not be suitable enough for us.  We need to aim higher and be open to new ideas for example;  I usually apply for personal assistant jobs and customer service jobs but I usually see administrative roles and management roles too but never apply for them.  But looking at what the job entails are often similar or related to personal assistant and customer service jobs so why can't  I be open minded and apply for them instead of limiting my self to just one role.
At the end of the day it all boils down to how fast or easy I can learn on the job.  So am taking the bull by the horn and applying for more roles that I am sure I can carry out the responsibility.
Thus I have decided to be open-minded when applying for jobs and also I have decided to once in a while hang out so I can meet people of which we could all encourage one another. Meanwhile I drove home late today 10.pm not bad at all .I use to be scared of driving late nights but am being open -minded and will be going out more (when I get paid tho)
It's not easy to get to the top but by God am gonna get there simple!

JOGGING FROM DEPRESSION

I wake up as early as 5am sometimes before 5 to get ready for jogging at 6. Or 6.15am. I do this because it keeps me from worrying over my failures yes hate to say it but I have failed my self. I use to dream big and wish to have a fabulous job married and all but dear blog it was just  a fantasy.
Am super single,broke and working for a company that hasn't paid me for ages.
My birthday is in less than three days and what I really want is a job or business that will fetch me money and a relationship that would lead to marriage  .am not 20 or 16 for Christ sakes am in my 30's I need to have my life together.
So I jog when am jogging I don't think of my problems, I feel free but once I have reached the finish line my burden comes rising. I feel the weight on my shoulders.
Since they have stopped paying me at work I have decided to go just twice a week, volunteer once a week, Christian service activity once a week at least by doing all these activities it will keep me busy so that I don't get depressed.
I wonder why God doesn't want to bless me now?  I have faith that he can, cause he created me but at least Jehovah should please wipe away my sorrows.
I have decided to write when ever I get  low as a depressed person I cry a lot so when ever I feel the signs coming I will just write my feelings down.
Dear universe please grant me my heart desire turn my state of poverty in to wealth please.  Elevate me from this suffering it is too much for me please.

SONG OF SADNESS

Am so lonely and feel un- accomplished.  I can't believe I have almost all the degrees in education and yet can't get a good paying job or afford to start up a bizness. All the men chasing me are married super married and if not married in a seriously relationship and only want to fuck me,even the honest single ones I don't like. I use to think I was created for a purpose but now am not so sure. I hate my life I wish I can just go and die right now and all the pain will go away.
It Hurts me that am trying to be faithful yet God doesn't want to bless me now I know they say miracles happen but why can't  my miracle happen now.
I want I want a Better life now not next five years but now how long do I have to wait and keep waiting.
My peers are doing fabulously well but me I can't even hold a day well it is so Unfair.
Change my story God , this is not what you planned for me grant me my wishes this not how it is suppose to be.  Make me better I know u can do it don't wait till am old do it for me now today or take my  soul because I have nothing left to live for...  ..

I MISS HIM

Just for the record... I miss you your hugs,kisses, finger fucking,dick searching I miss then all some times I miss your silly good sensible &some times senseless advice.  I miss you. Your ridiculous questions and wierdness I super miss oh not to forget our arguments and your pyscho business I super super miss.
I want you,my body needs you badly every night I feel you inside of me like super real I become wet (most time I have an orgasm) then I wake up to been wet ,super horny and you not even being there. Arrrghhhhhh!!!
I want you more then ever I miss and need you badly, I don't want anyone else here to touch or even come close to me. What a mess I have made of myself (what a FECKING MESS)
When I driving home and I come close to your office my heart skips a beat. When ever I see a type of your car I think of you (since every Tom, saddie and Allen drives and own the type of your car I guess u understand that it means I THINK ABOUT U A LOT )
YOU r annoying, nosy ,impatient, a good pretender, player, behavior shifter, always busy pretending to be busy,excuse giver, good fuck oh super GOOD FUCKER but most of all 2 timing BASTARD  (SCRATCH THAT 50 TIMING BASTARD )
STILL tho I miss you a whole lot most of all my body misses u a whole lot.
I don't care about you but I do worry that my body misses you. I wish I could put an end to this bad joke (yes it a joke ) but I can't because it hurts I can't keep hurting myself so just for the record ONCE again I MISS YOU A WHOLE LOT!!

THE AFFAIR

When he can't hold your hands in public (it's an affair ).
When he can't take your calls at weekend (it's an affair ).when he calls you at odd hours (like super early or damn too late ) definitely an affair. When he grabs you and kisses you for so long it's an affair.  How he makes love to you matters take note is he tender, aggressive or both you know tenderly aggressive (it's an affair ).
Does he proudly kiss you in the dark and can be super affectionate but only in the dark( it's an  affair) when he listens to you patiently and then disappears for a couple of days without letting you know (because he doesn't have to report to you, definitely an affair )
You know he lives around but do not  know where exactly (super scared you might show up  unannounced)
it's an affair.
I get weak,I get lonely, I get horny cause I want you ever so much but can't call you am DEFINATELY   IN AN AFFAIR .....

Thots of a cheater

I wouldnt say am in love, but am I a cheater? yes,am I wrong? definitely,can I stop? perhaps... then what is it that makes me keep going back? It's the danger I guess...
Thrill of it,excitement of it...
But some times I do feel the guilt. Like today,  when you mentioned her it was like an alarm in my head...
For fucksakes what am I doing?
I seriously need to put an end to this before it gets too far,
Perhaps am being too greedy , I promised myself just this once,but now I hate it when u leave....
I know am playing with fire... just like the  gingerbread man I might get burnt....
When it all comes crumbling what will happen to me???