Another struggling day in another man's land...

Hi  there  to no one in particular,  so remember  my well  planned stake out  ? Well  it didn't  work.. I checked my account  and found  13.00 pounds...  I know  things will  get better  but  why are things  so rough  for me it is not like  I was mean to any one  or I did  not  help people  when  I had the chance..
I have  a return  ticket  to go home  but to even get to the airport  I don't  have  cash   except  the 13.00 I don't  want  to return  in shame. No present for my mum  or friends  I know  it's Canada  but come  on I refuse  to go back defeated.
I should  be able  to make it or don't  u think  so?
For some  reason  I don't  feel nothing  as I feel nothing  but defeat.  Well I tried  sha  now to mind my business  and look  on...  I don't  know if God is upset with  me for  sumthing  I have  done  but  please  spare  me father  my woes are just  to much  for me to bear....