I know it is wrong to get use to pain but I can officially announce that I'm use to heartbreak.
I have been in a long distance relationship for over 3yrs, yes I love him ,Yes am waiting for him and yes I still see other guys (because it gets lonely)
Recently, I noticed he is becoming arrogant for instance, when he gets me upset he won't try to calm me down instead he would try to argue on who is right and wrong.
He knows am bipolar but for some reason he tries to do things to trigger me .
I don't believe in hurting a person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with.
It's so sad.
I kept calling him throughout yesterday he kept giving excuses "am in a meeting let me call you when am done".
After ignoring my calls he sent me a message saying "baby "
I got pissed for crying out loud I called your number loads of time the least you can do is call back.
His excuse was that "he followed his friend to go and buy food for his wife and not take his fone"
I was sad and upset. I told him off but he never appologized he called back to justify why he missed my calls. I cut him short because his lies was just too painful .
In all of this he never sincerely appologize, he was arrogant and was willingly to argue rather than make peace.
I feel emotionally down, I pray almighty God gives me a guy that will love me and help me get better. I don't see any wrong in saying sorry and mean it.
I believe when you love a person you don't constantly hurt them.
Am not giving up on love , am going to get my prince charming.some one who will be sincere and not try to hurt me constantly
I know he is out there......
Nobody wants to be alone is a common saying in the world that we live in but does this mean we have to be with some one who doesn't deserve our heart? A guy /lady who won't sacrifice /inconvenience his/herself for you shouldn't be with you #FACT.
Sadly a lot of females due to fear of being alone stick to whatever type of guy they get while others because of the stigma of been single (social status ) they get married to whatever man they find. Some people even get married to pictures of people they haven't seen or know and then endure the pain and emotional heartbreaks which includes cheating, beating,sexual neglect just to mention a few.
Gone are the days when our parents and even grandparents marry the love of their lives.
Feminism and the Almighty freedom of expression and gender equality has taken over the world. More people are falling more out of love then in to it #FACT. Every one (mostly females) wants to wear the pants in the relationship, no one wants to take time to build a solid foundation, like understand your partner no way some due to age run off to marry any first man that comes asking,then begin to cry when things don't work out.
Recent times people marry for wealth,others to have kids,while some due to peer pressure. You know he sleeps around but yet you agree to marry and have kids. Without thinking of how damaging it would be for the kids.
Today's woman don't mind being a single parent because of the pain their previous relationship caused them.even newly weds get divorced as quickly as they got hitched without trying to fix their differences
Infact it is becoming a trend in today's world.
As a sexual blogger, I must confess I have been in the above situation before it happens to the best of us. Meeting and becoming a slave to our fears. How many frogs do I have to kiss before I find my prince?
No one desires to be alone but there is no shame in staying single and loving yourself until you find that one true honest love the kind that every second makes your heart beat faster. It is amazing to be with that one special person,starting a family in love and blessings from God is an added advantage. However,alot of people often ask me
How do you know if he or she is the one?
there is no manual or guide book it just happens and when you do,you will know(yes not good enough but it is the truth )
As an amazing woman who currently is still trying to find herself.I have met a couple of men but non I repeat non has been right for me(not that there is anything wrong with me) I don't have a long list but I do know that I want friendship real friend ship some one I can talk to at 3am,some one who would accept me both in my bad and good days. I am willing to give in my very best 100% and more to make my marriage last.
like i said no one wants to be alone But until then we must learn new ways to love and improve ourselves..
I remember the first guy I had a serious crush on he was so nice wait scratched that he pretended to be very nice but ended up being a jerk,and he was playing me he tried to scam me and almost got away too.
My next crush was oh so tall and had a buff body an OK face But a steamy sexy body. I was crazy over him but he not so much ( I never knew really couldn't tell the signs ) he later revealed he just wanted a place to stay and free food. He never really cared for me plus he wanted a white girl to date.
From there on I only had flings nothing serious cause I was scared still scared. Another decent chap I met was so sweet caring infact a match made in heaven but sadly he is married.
So I returned back into my shell, I have a distant relationship but as of this evening not even sure what we are anylonger (he is acting funny cause I did not check up on early enough ) but you know distant relationship can't really be called a relationship cause he is over there am over here what you do with your free time I will never know except what you tell me but to be honest am tired of the relationship we cry more than we laugh today is one story, false tale or another ( I hate it)
I met another guy recently who first day of introduction goes "oh I am in a complicated relationship so let's be friends I don't want any titled relationship it messes things up"( plus he has different girls calling up his fone, I asked him if was serious with any of them he said "no we are just friends linda makes me feel sane but you drive me crazy " I felt sad I kept wondering if I made all the other guys insane that is why my relationship don't work (am so confused )
So we just hang but nothing serious( but I have decided to stop seeing him not worth the stress really ). To be honest am SINGLE just SINGLE I don't know if God is punishing me for some thing I have done because I keep meeting losers.
Even the universe keeps hooking me up with fucked up people am tired. How many frogs do I have to kiss before I eventually meet my prince.....arrgh damn it.
Tonight I took double dose of my drugs because I feel very low I need something to take my emotional pains away.........
Lately I have been meeting horrible horrible men or rather should I say I have poor taste in men period.
Every time I meet a guy who is good looking or drives a fancy car ,he ends up being a jerk. Anyway no point crying over spilled milk.
Moving on, how am I feeling today? Well not bad but not great either. I still feel like taking my life. I have been so bored recently that I can't think right. plus I took a double dose of my antidepressants nothing happened I just slept quickly and woke up hungry.
I saw a former colleague of mine from my university days and she got upset because I didn't stay and chat with her? Give it a rest missy ain't nobody got time for that. It was weird I left her and walked away. Still looking for a better job and a partner I pray the next guy I meet will be the one. I pray he is rich,caring,presentable, nice,cheerful giver, Godfearing,patient, tall, not yoruba and a psycho. He should love me for me and appreciate me.
I am officially tired,I pray God bless me now or takes my life cause am bored of all this happening. My car is faculty I hope and pray they get it fixed today
In Jesus name amen.
Looking back at my three weeks of being disobedience/ rebel OK whatever word you choose to call me I would say I slide back into sin with out any effort. I mean I have been trying so hard to get right back with God and all even staying away from bad behavior and for the past 5 months I was doing great and I was actually proud of myself. I even volunteered to work in the house of God and all. Then one unplanned day without out thinking about sex or anything dirty I met a hot guy whom I allowed destroy every damn thing I have worked hard for. At first I fought hard but then my weakness failed me.
I don't even know how am gonna get out of this mess. And I don't even like the guy. Boredom got the best of me.
Recently I am beginning to have suicidial thots. I sometimes imagine myself jumping over a bridge, overdose on meds and even slitting my wrist.
Two things I pray against is getting pregnant, and proverty.
I pray to God right now begging and asking for forgiveness and please give me a better life but heavenly father if you know there is no hope for me please take my life.
I attended a three day training for women in business and I must confessed I learnt a few new things and also how to better manage my skills.
It is no news that am out spoken not forward or nosey but out spoken and have the ability to make people laugh or cry trust me I have the skills to break any ice . So in other words am a good communicator and also I like to manage people.
Yup learnt all at the training so after each lecture I asked the tutor where they see me and each highlighted my skills and ended up saying HR (human resources)
So I have decided to get into the field starting from tomorrow am going to start an online course on HR it won't be easy but am going to give it a short.
I need to put my scattered skills together and get me a paying proper paying job.
So my plan for the week is register a HR course. Apply for more jobs, start jogging again and volunteer.
I will leave men troubles and focus on making my self better. I know I say that a lot but by the hand of God am going to do it.
Am going to write a to do list and focus on achieving it. Plus I don't like that I have acne scars on some part of my face so am going to fight on getting a better skin. Meaning no more sugary stuff, milk, rice and bread. And am gonna jog too.
I pray Jehovah gives me the strength to do all this. I must achieve my goals.
Tonight went out for drinks with my friend and met his other friends it was quite enhanting.
We all have one thing in common, WE ALL WANT BETTER PAY.
One of the girl's Annabel gave me a tip and is been open minded. To want something from life one needs to be open minded. Because usually what we want or think we need might not be suitable enough for us. We need to aim higher and be open to new ideas for example; I usually apply for personal assistant jobs and customer service jobs but I usually see administrative roles and management roles too but never apply for them. But looking at what the job entails are often similar or related to personal assistant and customer service jobs so why can't I be open minded and apply for them instead of limiting my self to just one role.
At the end of the day it all boils down to how fast or easy I can learn on the job. So am taking the bull by the horn and applying for more roles that I am sure I can carry out the responsibility.
Thus I have decided to be open-minded when applying for jobs and also I have decided to once in a while hang out so I can meet people of which we could all encourage one another. Meanwhile I drove home late today 10.pm not bad at all .I use to be scared of driving late nights but am being open -minded and will be going out more (when I get paid tho)
It's not easy to get to the top but by God am gonna get there simple!
I wake up as early as 5am sometimes before 5 to get ready for jogging at 6. Or 6.15am. I do this because it keeps me from worrying over my failures yes hate to say it but I have failed my self. I use to dream big and wish to have a fabulous job married and all but dear blog it was just a fantasy.
Am super single,broke and working for a company that hasn't paid me for ages.
My birthday is in less than three days and what I really want is a job or business that will fetch me money and a relationship that would lead to marriage .am not 20 or 16 for Christ sakes am in my 30's I need to have my life together.
So I jog when am jogging I don't think of my problems, I feel free but once I have reached the finish line my burden comes rising. I feel the weight on my shoulders.
Since they have stopped paying me at work I have decided to go just twice a week, volunteer once a week, Christian service activity once a week at least by doing all these activities it will keep me busy so that I don't get depressed.
I wonder why God doesn't want to bless me now? I have faith that he can, cause he created me but at least Jehovah should please wipe away my sorrows.
I have decided to write when ever I get low as a depressed person I cry a lot so when ever I feel the signs coming I will just write my feelings down.
Dear universe please grant me my heart desire turn my state of poverty in to wealth please. Elevate me from this suffering it is too much for me please.
Am so lonely and feel un- accomplished. I can't believe I have almost all the degrees in education and yet can't get a good paying job or afford to start up a bizness. All the men chasing me are married super married and if not married in a seriously relationship and only want to fuck me,even the honest single ones I don't like. I use to think I was created for a purpose but now am not so sure. I hate my life I wish I can just go and die right now and all the pain will go away.
It Hurts me that am trying to be faithful yet God doesn't want to bless me now I know they say miracles happen but why can't my miracle happen now.
I want I want a Better life now not next five years but now how long do I have to wait and keep waiting.
My peers are doing fabulously well but me I can't even hold a day well it is so Unfair.
Change my story God , this is not what you planned for me grant me my wishes this not how it is suppose to be. Make me better I know u can do it don't wait till am old do it for me now today or take my soul because I have nothing left to live for... ..
Just for the record... I miss you your hugs,kisses, finger fucking,dick searching I miss then all some times I miss your silly good sensible &some times senseless advice. I miss you. Your ridiculous questions and wierdness I super miss oh not to forget our arguments and your pyscho business I super super miss.
I want you,my body needs you badly every night I feel you inside of me like super real I become wet (most time I have an orgasm) then I wake up to been wet ,super horny and you not even being there. Arrrghhhhhh!!!
I want you more then ever I miss and need you badly, I don't want anyone else here to touch or even come close to me. What a mess I have made of myself (what a FECKING MESS)
When I driving home and I come close to your office my heart skips a beat. When ever I see a type of your car I think of you (since every Tom, saddie and Allen drives and own the type of your car I guess u understand that it means I THINK ABOUT U A LOT )
YOU r annoying, nosy ,impatient, a good pretender, player, behavior shifter, always busy pretending to be busy,excuse giver, good fuck oh super GOOD FUCKER but most of all 2 timing BASTARD (SCRATCH THAT 50 TIMING BASTARD )
STILL tho I miss you a whole lot most of all my body misses u a whole lot.
I don't care about you but I do worry that my body misses you. I wish I could put an end to this bad joke (yes it a joke ) but I can't because it hurts I can't keep hurting myself so just for the record ONCE again I MISS YOU A WHOLE LOT!!
When he can't hold your hands in public (it's an affair ).
When he can't take your calls at weekend (it's an affair ).when he calls you at odd hours (like super early or damn too late ) definitely an affair. When he grabs you and kisses you for so long it's an affair. How he makes love to you matters take note is he tender, aggressive or both you know tenderly aggressive (it's an affair ).
Does he proudly kiss you in the dark and can be super affectionate but only in the dark( it's an affair) when he listens to you patiently and then disappears for a couple of days without letting you know (because he doesn't have to report to you, definitely an affair )
You know he lives around but do not know where exactly (super scared you might show up unannounced)
it's an affair.
I get weak,I get lonely, I get horny cause I want you ever so much but can't call you am DEFINATELY IN AN AFFAIR .....
I wouldnt say am in love, but am I a cheater? yes,am I wrong? definitely,can I stop? perhaps... then what is it that makes me keep going back? It's the danger I guess...
Thrill of it,excitement of it...
But some times I do feel the guilt. Like today, when you mentioned her it was like an alarm in my head...
For fucksakes what am I doing?
I seriously need to put an end to this before it gets too far,
Perhaps am being too greedy , I promised myself just this once,but now I hate it when u leave....
I know am playing with fire... just like the gingerbread man I might get burnt....
When it all comes crumbling what will happen to me???
When people most especially girls read my diary, they ask how can I get my partner to be in the mood? Well When it comes to sex every one is a learner.. am I perfect NO! do I know all ?ABSOLUTELY NOT!
How ever, to get your partner to be sexual you need to (and am gonna write in caps ) FIND HIS OR HER WEAK SPOT.some like when u fondle their boobs ,while some massage their dicks or suck male breast, play with her clits or slap their ass (yes it's A crazy world) which ever way it goes you just NEED TO FIND THE G SPOT!!
Location location matters,
My kid brother had his girl friend over and they started off kissing she grabbed his ass tightly and the next thing you know he carried her and layed her on the dinner table,(yes true story)he lifted her dress and slipped her g string to the side in other for him to pave way for his dick to slide in....
According to him, it was painful.. why? (I know right )
This was because the table was too high yet smooth but too high so that in other for him to gain access to her vagina he had to stand on his toes (yea picture that )
So yes location matters tho "SEX ON THE TABLE IS A MOST " ensure you get the right table. I recommend table below his dick...
Spontaneous !!
Yes once in while surprise him especially after an argument.. DEFINITELY A TURN ON!
I got super upset with my boyfriend last nite and had a horrible night, I found it hard to sleep . He rang me the next morning and tried explaining but I was too upset to listen.. (but hearing his voice alone I KNEW I missed him super ) so on my way to a meeting I did a drive by yes I called him and told him to step out in 4 mins and when he did there I was waiting in a tinted car (cheeky right ) he got in and we drove to a lonely road and we both grabbed each other and kissed like our lives depended on it...he held my right boob and sucked on my nipples and I was so weak I just held on to his lower lip... it was crazy but it needed to be done..... (besides I knew he loved it and wanted more)
So yes definitely a yes once in while be spontaneous...
I won't consider myself A SEX GODDESS but I do know this that understanding your partner /lover /boyfriend /husband /wife or watever sexually is important because if you do you will be able to know what to touch ,where and when. Surely demanding sex when you know he is super tired after a stressful day is a no no no
but if you keep reading you might learn a few tricks of the trade on HOW TO GET IT WHEN YOU WANT IT ..
OK so I can't emphasis enough the need for proper location and perfect timing....
Let me explain, to get more out of your partner you need to have a good location and adequate timing...
For instance, last night my boyfriend came over to see me and there was total black out .he sat on my porch and waited for me to come out. I did wearing a simple Jersey skirt and tee shirt..
we hugged and kissed and spoke about our day... suddenly without any warning he lifted my skirt and removed my underpants ...
Location: my front porch
Position: him sitting while I was standing...
He requested I spread my legs apart while standing and he went on one knee as if he was about to propose and then went underneath my skirt and began to lick my vagina... it was a crazy sensation I could see stars my legs were vibrating my butts popped up sliently twerking with out any motivation from nicki minaj's tracks...
I pushed my fingers thru his thick black hair ....
I wanted more but I could sense because of my height & the position he was in it wasn't comfortable enough for him.(he couldn't stay in that position long enough plus he couldn't get to eat all part of my pussy )
SO it is safe to say PERFECT TIMING for a quickkie but POOR LOCATION.....
because my boyfriend is such a great lover he grabbed me into the house threw me on a couch... placed my legs on each side of his shoulder and placed his lips on my pussy and proceeded to lick,nibble and suck my pussy.. damn just thinking about it turns me the fuck on...
Once your partner has tasted a bit of you there is no going back...so attention ladies ensure you are able to seize the moment... for me I knew the black out was an advantage for me so I wore a skirt ,I knew my boyfriend loves touching my waist and bum.
In too deep, it's killing, maddest night yet....(PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME.... )
I mean I know it's super wrong but Lord so right... no string attached... am super speechless like wow best experience yet...... (slow down gal )
So I went for a meeting and stopped to buy gas for some reason I step out of the car to get a drink when this really cute dude said to me "nice legs " "thanks" I responded back and pulled out my card to pay when he said "I got this " we both smiled... I walked back into my car and drove off.. getting to my meeting I had diffculty parking when I noticed a FORD FOCUS flashing it's head light directly at me I turn off the engine picked my bag and began to walk away when he said to me "hey stranger, where u off too ?"I smiled cause it was the cute guy from the gas station... chit chat chit chat and 2hours later we met at a bar with a lovely view of the sea and over drinks he said to me.. "let me be your PANTY WETTER " "wat?" I asked looking confused... he said "no one can get you as wet as I would... "
(Now you know your Gal is super adventurous )
Checking my time it was 6.30pm and damn was he good looking....
We took a walk to where we parked our cars and in between his and a parked g-wagon he knelt down, I opened up my legs as wide as I could and right there he licked from my right knee to my vagina then did the same for my left then began to lick my vagina still with my under pants on next he pulled my under pant to the side and deeped his tongue in to my pussy slowly.. he tooK his time like a gynacologist on duty
he licked every layer of my vagina slowly and then went back to digging deeper inside of me with his tongue all the way in.
He made me wetter than a fountain, I screamed "stop please am in a relationship " he ignored and continued like a professional my under pants was super soaked from my pussy juice plus his saliva. I held firmly to the edge of his car door. My nipples were Super hard ...he then asked me to turn around so that my butts was in his face still with my legs spread wide he began to lick my butts, my butt crack and then my butt hole.. sucked it like he was sipping from a straw. All the while his fingers never took a part in this sexual activity.. just his mouth... I began to scream FUCK ME FUCK ME PLEASE... he smiled and continued licking and sucking me harder.. making me cum not just cum but squirt like Crazy he licked continunously and said to me "squirt for me girl I love your pussy"
I went crazy I beg for him to take me right there...
But he kept sucking me... i couldn't stand up any longer cause my legs were failing me so i leaned on the g-wagon still moaning softly when the security came over and said "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? " "nothing am just helping her fix her buckle" Mr cuteness replied..
The security flashed his touch on my feet and saw sir cuteness on one knee hands on my left shoe.. then he got up held my waist (cause I could barely walk) and helped me to my car........
When people read my blog/sexual diary they call me a sex addict..I 'm not really a sex addict infact I hate having sex.. I rather have oral sex or foreplay but not da real deal (weird right? )....
But when I do have sex it's always very intensed... .I mean just last night(Date night ) I was trying to explain to my boyfriend how I feel when his penis is inside of me... but I failed .....
But today, I finally have the right words
With you....
I get super excited in my head,
When you grab my boobs and squeeze them like you are rehearsing for an orange juice contest my butts pop up! making my clits &vagina super moist from constantly racing.
my legs damn! my amazing legs just spreads open involuntarily(like a faulty electric gate ) and I start to get wet....when I grab your penis to insert in me (just the tip touching my clits ) I go into a trance.
While driving back from date night, I loved the way he kept finger fucking me, I love the fact that my wetness gets his penis hard.
I kept licking &sucking his penis I loved the taste I want more (with him I always want more )
I love the fact that my body yearns for him every time we are together.
Currently, I only want to be fucked by him yes fucked hard then flipped over and ridden hard. I want his mouth on my boobs to suck and chew on my nipples, lick my neck &my belly button ,lick and kiss my vagina and suck every layer of my clitoris..
I want him on the table, chair, bonnet /hood of his CAR..... I want his penis as deep as it can get inside so hard that I scream from pain. I want his hands on my hips gripping me tightly.yes I want him to fuck me so hard till my vagina clenches &I cum all over making my legs vibrate from pleasure..
When we both reach climax , I want him to cuddle, hugand spoon me just to make me feel safe, warm and appreciated...
I hate to confess but I strongly believe that my body wants him more than I do....
Does he exist? YES HE DOES!!
Am I in love? NO HELL NO!!
DO I like him? I SURE DO!
Does he confuse me? YES HE DOES!!
but I know I love the thrill &danger, I live for the excitement but like a speeding train I pray I don't crash &burn.
I have no idea what I want but I do know I SUPER WANT HIM....
As we watched anna and Christian fuck themselves stupidly. The cinema was totally calm perhaps it was because of the intensity of the sex scenes not so sure .
But far end right corner of the cinema we were seated when suddenly he whispered "take off ur underpants " and like in a trance she obeyed. slowly she turned to her side and pulled her 100%lacey red/black colored g-string(victoria secret) to her knees he moved her hands away and agressively ripped her underpants off her and slipped her underpants into his breast pocket . She sat still pantless with her heart racing, nipples as hard as rock You could smell her pussy was super excited from a mile away. He knew she wanted him but like the control freak he was not going to let her off that easy. Next he put his hand in between her thighs and worked his way into her clitoris with his bare fingers he tickled her super fast making her quaver between her knees. The pleasure was super intensed drowning the voices of Anna and Christian as well as making the ongoing sex scene blurr. The more she moaned, the faster he went tickling the hell out of her clitoris. She leaned over as if to whisper into his ear but instead started to nibble sexually , "ahhhhh"he moaned as if to repay for such sexual act he dipped his finger in to her vagina and began to finger fuck her . so hard and intense it was that she started to grind her teeth cause the pain was definately her pleasure. Within minutes just like the river nile her pussy opened up and thick creamy juice began to flow. Unrelentless he continued like a greedy baby he kept dipping his finger harder into her wet now turned slippery pussy. Regardless of the location and crowd he kept making her come over and over again. "I WANT YOU" she moaned ……
As he sprinkled grated white chocolate on her vagina & spread whip cream on her juicy firm breasts & belly button he took time in licking & sucking all off ,u could hear her moan from miles away. nipples as hard as a rock, pussy super moist. Finally, he dove in rocking her slowing , she begged him "FUCK ME FASTER" but back n forth he continued slowly . suddenLy like a fully charged vibrator He placed a firm grip on her hip bones & faster faster & faster back &forth non stop he rode. He flipped her body & went in from behind "arrrrgh YESSSSS please !! dont stop baby!! dont stop!!" She begged at that moment the flood gate of her pussy openned up &just like spilled milk it all came rushing out . He smiled & continued riding her refusing to stop he said to her "HANG IN THERE BABE, AM JUST GETTING STARTED". (Definately aint a one minute man)
